Related:

• T-A+G-L-I+N-E--+M-E-A+S-U-R+I-N-G+--G-A+U-G-E
• ######T#H#E#F#T##R#E#S#I#S#T#A#N#T##T#A#G#L#IN#E#!######
• That's 'G-R-A-T-E Expectations,' also by Edmund Wells.
• Ask for it by name.
• Once upon a time there was a mathematician who found an equation for GOD.
  It was, of course, a very complicated equation but, she figured, all she had to do was find a computer system which (1) had a large enough memory to store all the necessary variables and (2) was fast enough to gather all the information together....
• Did you hear that Oscar Meyer signed Jeffrey Dahmer to an endorsement deal?
  He sings a lunchtime song on the way to the fridge...
• Ask to see a menu.
• Ask if the pizza is organically grown.