Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat
with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
Tiffany has implants -8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly +1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain"
and pat her on the rump -5
When she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think
she's pretty, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as pretty as you" +1
When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say,
"Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed" -6
That woman is her sister -90
You have one drink, and that's it 0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle. -2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted. -18
Saturday Afternoon
You go to the mall together +3
You go to the mall, drop her off in front, then park the car +4
Then drive to a sports bar -2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it +3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional 0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk +3
Most of it chips and beer -6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den +15
Or refinishing the floors +19
Or rewiring the basement +21
Or adding a second floor +25
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket -6
You visit her parents +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television -3
And the television is off -6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear -6
And you didn't even go to college -15
You forgot to pick her up at the airport -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast -50
A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal -5
And the pal is happily married -4
Or frighteningly single -7
And he drives a Trans Am -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) -15
You have a few beers -5
And miss curfew by an hour -10
You get home at 3 am -20
Smelling of booze and cheap cigars -30
And not wearing any pants -40
Is that a tattoo??? -200
A Night Out
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
To a movie you hate (anything with Barbara Streisand) +6
To a movie you like -2
It's called DeathCop 3 -7
Which features cyborgs having sex -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and dogs -15
When asked how she looks, you reply, "fine" or "nice" 0
You reply, "beautiful" or "gorgeous" +5
You reply anything without being asked +10
You notice something she did special, (hair, nails, eyelashes). +15
You mention you like her new hairdo +15
She says she had that done last week -10
Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's expected 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it +5
You can actually name a few of them +8
You can name all of them, because you hand selected them +10
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself +10
And she contracts Lyme disease -25
Your Physique
You develop a potbelly 0
You develop a noticeable potbelly -10
You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. +10
You resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -5
Driving
You lose the directions on a trip -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost -10
You refuse to ask for directions 0
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town. -15
You meet the locals up close and personal -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt -60
The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5
(Sensitive things always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding -10
You pretend you didn't hear -12
You reply, "Where?" -25
You reply, "Compared to what?" -30
You reply, "But I like you that way" -35
You reply, "Not for your age" -40
Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem: -5
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
She realized the TV is on behind her -10
You listen, for over 30 minutes +5
More than 30 minutes, without looking at the TV. +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep -10
