You know you are getting old when:
1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
4. Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.
5. Your children begin to look middle aged.
6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the
wrong wall.
7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
8. You look forward to a dull evening.
9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.
14. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf
course.
15. Your back goes out more than you do.
16. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your
wife.
17. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
18. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine
cabinet.
19. You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who
exercise.
20. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
21. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
22. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
23. You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
24. You are proud of your lawn mower.
25. Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking
any laws.
27. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
28. You sing along with the elevator music.
29. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
30. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
31. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
32. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
33. You make an appointment to see the dentist.
34. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
35. Neighbors borrow your tools.
36. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
37. You have a dream about prunes.
38. You answer a question with, "because I said so."
39. You send money to PBS.
40. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
41. You take a metal detector to the beach.
42. You wear black socks with sandals.
43. You know what the word "equity" means.
44. You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.
45. Your ears are hairier than your head.
46. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
47. You got cable for the weather channel (sometimes referred to as "Old
Folks MTV").
48. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
