Signs That You Are No Longer A Kid
** You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
** You can live without sex but not without glasses.
** Your back goes out more than you do.
** You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.
** You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
** You are proud of your lawn mower.
** Your best friend is dating someone half their age...and isn't breaking
any laws.
** You call Olan Mills before they call you.
** Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
** You sing along with the elevator music.
** You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
** You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
** You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
** You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
** You make an appointment to see the dentist.
** You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
** Neighbors borrow your tools.
** People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"
** You have a dream about prunes.
** You answer a question with, "because I said so!"
** The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
** You take a metal detector to the beach.
** You wear black socks with sandals.
** You know what the word "equity" means.
** You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television.
** Your ears are getting hairier than your head.
** You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
** You got cable for the weather channel. ("Old Folks MTV.")
** You can go bowling without drinking.
** You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize.
