How cold is it?
This is the Unofficial World Wide Activities Thermometer, based on
stereotypes and geographical generalizations by temperature.
Air Temperatures (all Fahrenheit):
60 DEGREES: Californians put their sweaters on.
50 DEGREES: Miami residents turn on the heat. Hawaiians put on parkas.
45 DEGREES: Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts.
40 DEGREES: You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming.
35 DEGREES: Italian cars don't start.
32 DEGREES: Water freezes.
30 DEGREES: You plan your vacation in Australia.
25 DEGREES: Ohio water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat
ice cream. Canadians go swimming.
20 DEGREES: Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City
water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther south.
15 DEGREES: French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed
with you.
10 DEGREES: You need jumper cables to get the car going.
5 DEGREES: American cars don't start.
0 DEGREES: Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 DEGREES: German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you step
outside.
-15 DEGREES: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans
stick tongues on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist.
-20 DEGREES: Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians
actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof.
Japanese cars don't start.
-25 DEGREES: Too cold to think; you need jumper cables to get the driver
going.
-30 DEGREES: You plan a two-week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 DEGREES: Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweater. Your car helps you plan your trip south.
-50 DEGREES: Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom
window.
-80 DEGREES: Polar bears move south. Green Bay Packer (and Buffalo Bills)
fans order hot cocoa at the game.
-90 DEGREES: Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
-100 DEGREES: Hell freezes over. Clinton finally tells all.
