Related:

• The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again...
• In a vaguely phoneco-operator voice: "I'm sorry, you have reached an imaginary number.
  Would you please rotate your telephone by ninety degrees and try your call again....
• Hi, you have reached .... Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call".
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
  Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision....
• Theme from "Indiana Jones" in the background.] You've reached the residence of John and Tom.
  We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator....
• You have reached (recites number here). No one is available to speak with you right now because we either are not here or don't feel like picking up the phone.
  If you are a burglar, we have two hungy dobermans downstairs for your convenience....
• with a kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra" in the background.
  ..] "Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached....
• Letter to the Bank Manager Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
  By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it....