Thoughts On Diets
* A diet is a weigh of life.
* It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we
don't gain weight.
* A diet is what you go on when not only can't you fit into the store's
dresses, you can't fit into the dressing room.
* One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: If you're thin, don't
eat fast. If you're fat, don't eat... fast.
* The problem with curbing our appetites is that most of us do it at the
drive in window of McDonalds.
* The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.
* The biggest drawback to fasting for seven days is that it makes one weak.
* Above all, dieters are advised to avoid Pepsi, the pause that 'refleshes.'
* Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.
* Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
* The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching
what other people eat.
* Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it.
* A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
* It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the
seconds.
* Many women reduce and reduce, yet still never manage to become a bargain.
* The best way to lose weight is by skipping... snacks and desert.
* Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two... alone.
* People go to Weight Watchers to learn their 'lessens.'
* A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family counts its calories
instead of its blessings.
Kitchen Wisdom
* If a messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, this kitchen is delirious.
* No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
* A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he
just cleaned the whole house.
* If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
* A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
* Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
* Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to
be amused.
* A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
* Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
* Housework done properly can kill you.
* Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead
normal lives.
* My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
