You Might Be A Redneck If...
** The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your
spouse.
** You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front
of her kids.
** You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
** You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
** Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
** You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
** Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch
this!"
** You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
** You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
** Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
** You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
** Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
** You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen,
start your engines."
** You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its
wheels.
** You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
** The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much
gas it has in it.
** You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
** One of your kids was born on a pool table.
** Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
** You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House
of Tattoos.
** You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
** Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.
** You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.
** You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
** Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
** Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
