YOU KNOW YOUR A REDNECK IF.... You Still Have An 8-track Tape Player In Your Car Or House.

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YOU KNOW YOUR A REDNECK IF....

You still have an 8-track tape player in your car or house.

Your idea of safe sex doesn't include anyone else.

You have ever bar-be-qued hamburgers at the driver-in theater.

You liked the velvet picture of Elvis that someone in a van sold you
beside the highway better than anything you saw at an art show or museum.

You own more than three shirts with cut-off sleeves.

You have ever driven down the road with your seat belt hanging out of the
door making sparks.

You have ever spray-painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Someone asks to see your ID, and you show them your belt buckle.

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

Jack Daniels is on your list of most admired people.

You see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty milk
jug in the car.

Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

You have ever had to scratch your sister or girlfriend's name out of
the message "For a good time, call _______."

Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.

Your dad walks to school with you because you're both in the same grade.

You view the next family reunion as a great chance to meet a woman.

Your wife has a beer gut, and you think it's attractive.

You have ever signed a petition to have the national anthem changed to
"Free Bird."

You call your boss "Dude."

You have ever been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You need one more hole punched in your card before you get a freebie at
the "House of Tattoos."

You get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair.

You look like Willie Nelson after you get your hair cut.

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.

You have sunglasses that are mirrored on the inside.

You think BMW are the call letters for a radio station.

You wear a belt buckle that weighs more than three pounds.

You've ever been to a funeral or wedding where there were more pickup
trucks than cars.

Your all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball Run."

You have any relatives named "Elmer" or "Jed."

Your girlfriend thinks the way you pick your nose is cute.

You wish your house looked like the one on the beginning of "Beverly
Hillbillies" or "Green Acres."

Your favorite actors are Gomer Pile, Goober, and Barney Fife.

Your pet parrot knows how to whistle the song to "the Andy Griffith Show."


Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

You've refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the
Bandit" was snubbed for Best Picture.

You prominantly display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You consider Outdoor Life deep reading.

Your mother keeps a spittoon on the ironing board.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

The most common phrase you hear at your family reunion is "What
are you looking at, shithead?!"

You think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food
groups.

You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You've even been too drunk to fish.

You use a rag as a gas cap.

You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were
taken.

Your lifelong goal is to own a fireworks stand.

After making love you have to ask your date to roll down the window

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

You own a belt buckle that weighs more than 3 pounds.

Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People".

You've ever been to a funeral where there are more pick-up trucks
than cars.

Your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.

Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.

You have a Hefty bag for the passenger-side window of your car.

You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

Your idea of fiscal responsibility is having enough money to keep
beer in the fridge and gas in the truck.

You think BMW are the call letters of a radio station.

You have ever been fired from a construction job because of your
appearance.

You have more than three shirts with cut off sleeves.

You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.

If your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

If your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade.

You consider yourself to have a persoalized license plate, as your father
made it for you in prison.

You think 'Volvo' is part of a woman's anatomy.

When asked for I.D., you show your belt buckle.

Your father persuades you to quite school, as there's a job opening at the
Jiffy Lube.

You've broken more than one tooth trying to open a bottle of beer.

You need only one more hole punched in your card for a free tatoo.

Here's a hillbilly joke I heard recently:

After marrying his sweetheart, Billy Ray Bob and Becky Sue Bob go
off on their big honeymoon night. The next day, Billy Ray Bob
drives over to see his folks. Strutting up to his pa, he proudly
mentions that he sure had a great time last night (wink, wink), but
was surprised to find out that Becky Sue Bob was a virgin.
"A virgin?!!" his pa screamed. "Boy, you gotta get rid of that girl
right now!!" Stunned by his pa's reaction, Billy Ray Bob can't
understand it. "Why, Pa, why do I have to get rid of her?"
"Damn, Boy, haven't I taught you anything right? If she isn't
good enough for her own family, she sure isn't good enough for you!"

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