Dumb & Dumber
** A medical student was doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison
control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and therewould be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants. The student told the mother that she better bring her
daughter in to the Emergency room right away.
** Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they
were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It
turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is
automatically activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer
employed there.
** A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received
in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he
sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he
received a letter from the police that contained another picture of
handcuffs.
** A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told
the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to
buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
** Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it
over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in
the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose
himself.
** Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant
District Attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of
defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the
robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I
should have blown your (expletive) head off." the defendant paused, then
quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.
** R. C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood.
When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for
identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into
the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on
the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St.
Louis, MO.
** A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said
he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't
believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that
the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
** A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, it
startled the first bandit and he shot his accomplice.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
