YOUR STARSHIP CAPTAIN JUST MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF....
* Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
* He paints flames and an NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
* You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
* He refers to Klingons as "critters"
* He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
* He has a sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
* He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
* He says "got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing
frequencies"
* He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
* He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
* He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
* He says "Yee-HA!" instead of "Engage"
* He has a hand tooled holster for his phaser
* He insists on calling his executive officer "bubba"
* He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
* He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs and turnip greens
* He paints the starship John Deere Green
* He refers to a Pulsar as a "blue light special"
* He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
* His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
* He sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
* His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
* He wears mirrored shades on the bridge
* His idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans
and weenies
* He sets his phaser to "Cajun"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
