A woman from the south was attending a social gathering up north and
tried striking up a conversation ...
"Where're you all from?" she asked to a group of ladies.
With nose high in the air, one of them answered, "Where I come from
we never end a sentence with a preposition."
"Oh," she replied, "Well, then, where're you all from, bitch?"
A co-worker of mine fielded phone calls from his Alumni Association every 3
months for about 5 years, ostensibly checking to see that his records were
up to date, and coincidentally asking if he'd like to donate to the Alumni
Association. Once, when checking his records, the (blonde?) asked, "Is
xxx-xxxx your current phone number?
Seeing his opportunity, he answered no, and made up a new phone number. He
hasn't heard from them since.
"Remember, when you're out of Bud, TOUGH SCHLITZ"
Don't forget the one CPA ... I. C. Loophole
or what about the Law Firm ... Dewey, Screw'em and Howe ( thank you 3 stooges )
or what about the Gynecologist ... Dr. Poke'em
or what about the Porno Star John Holmes ... John wasn't his real name it was ..
Max Cox or his gay brother Seymour Cox ...
What do you call a fly with no wings????
A Walk.
**************************************************************************
Mr. Jones had gangrene on his left leg and had to have it cut off so he
went to the doctor to have the operation. During the operation the doctor
cut off the good leg by mistake. So then the doctor had to cut off the
leg that had gangrene. After Mr. Jones came out of the operation he
noticed that both legs had been cut off. Mr. Jones called his lawyer and
filed a lawsuit against the doctor. Well the doctor and his lawyer had a
long talk and the lawyer told the doctor he was in big trouble. I'm
not worried, said the doctor. Mr. Jones doesn't have a leg to stand on.
**************************************************************************
Everywhere this lady went nobody wanted to talk to her, no one ever asked
her to go out. Guys came up to her and turned away. She wondered why this
would happen. So she went to her doctor and told him what was going on.
She thought that maybe there was a problem with her. The doctor told her
he would give her a complete exam. He told her to undress and get up on
the table, so she did. He told her to open her mouth and he checked it.
Then he asked her to get down from the table and bend over. He then said
to the lady, "Know what your problem is, you have zactly." The lady then
asked, "What is zactly?" The doctor said, "Lady your mouth smells zactly
like your ass."...........................................................
**************************************************************************
Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.........................
**************************************************************************
This guy had been with so many prostitutes everywhere in the world. He
had picked up so many diseases that doctors had a hard time identifying
them all. He went to many doctors that told him his pecker would have to
be cut off. The man went into shock. Well, he kept hoping someone could
help. So he found this Chinese doctor that told him that he new what was
wrong, You play with Chinese girl, but she very sick. You make big
mistake and go to American doctor and all they think is money, money,
money. You don't need surgery, you forget what they say. You go home,
wait two maybe three weeks pecker fall off all by itself.................
**************************************************************************
A hospital for fags only.......there are no Doctors or Nurses, just Aides.
**************************************************************************
One afternoon on Miami Beach..............................................
Three women were discussing their son's achievements. The first woman
says "A, my son, the doctor! such a son a mother couldn't hope for. He's
got his own practice now in Boston, making so much money! He sends me a
check every month. I've never had it so good!" She turns and says, "So
tell me, Mrs. Rubenstein, how is your son?" "A, my son, the dentist!
Such a son a mother couldn't hope for. He's got his own practice now in
Cambridge, making so much money! He sends me a check every month. I've
never had it so good!" The two of them turn to the third woman and ask
sadly, "So tell us Mrs. Hammerstein, how is your son, the homosexual?"
"A, my son, the interior decorator! Such a son a mother couldn't hope
for. He has his own business now, making so much money! He sends me a
check every month. I've never had it so good! And my son! Not one lover,
but two! One of them is a doctor in Boston, the other is a
dentist in Cambridge!"....................................................
**************************************************************************
The Six Most Important Men In A Woman's Life
--------------------------------------------
Doctor: Because he says:......................"Take off all your clothes!"
Dentist: Because he says:....................................."Open wide!"
Milkman: Because he says:..............."Do you want it in front or back?"
Hairdresser: Because he says:............"Do you want it teased or blown?"
Interior Decorator: Because he says:........."Once it's in you'll love it.
Banker: Because he says:......................"If you take it out too soon
............................you'll lose interest!"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
