Related:

• The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
  Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
• The Poles have a saying about how communist governments rewrite history
  "Only the future is certain; the past is always changing" A would-be bandit failed because he had written a holdup up note on another bank's withdrawal slip....
• A man was very shy, and couldn't speak to more than two people at a time without getting nervous.
  His boss and wife both suggested that he take an Andrew Carnegie course....
• Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
  After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
  Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments....
• MEGA MORON AWARDS Not quite stupid enough for the Darwin awards but they are working on it.
  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• Quick Thinker There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market.
  One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce....