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• WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "I'm going fishing.
  Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety....
• Men, Translated "I'm going fishing." Really means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
  "It's a guy thing." Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical....
• E Pluribus Unum really means 'Get the hell off my Foot'
• PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL TERMS . . . and Their Real Meanings AVERAGE EMPLOYEE ----- Not too bright EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED ----- Made no major blunders yet CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH ----- Still one step ahead of the law ZEALOUS ATTITUDE ----- Opinionated QUICK THINKING ----- Offers plausible excuses for mistakes CAREFUL THINKER ----- Won't make a decision TAKES PRIDE IN WORK ----- Conceited FORCEFUL ----- Argumentative AGGRESSIVE ----- Obnoxious USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS ----- Gets someone else to do it A KEEN ANALYST ----- Thoroughly confused EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL ----- Speaks English CONSCIENTIOUS ----- Scared METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL ----- A nit picker HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES ----- Is tall or has a loud voice EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT ----- Lucky STRONG PRINCIPLES ----- Stubborn CAREER MINDED ----- Back Stabber COMING ALONG WELL ----- About to be let go OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION ----- Gets to work on time RELAXED ATTITUDE ----- Sleeps at desk EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER ----- Screws up often INDEPENDENT WORKER ----- Nobody knows what he/she does FORWARD THINKING ----- Procrastinator GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS ----- Able to b.
• Movie Prices For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.
  After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• WHAT THE JOB AD SAYS and WHAT IT REALLY MEANS... Advancement opportunity -Lousy job Entry Level -Really a lousy job No experience necessary -The mother of all lousy jobs Administrative assistant -Lousy job with a title Ground floor opportunity -Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year Progressive company - Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday Team player -Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities Upbeat personalities -Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year Word processing skills essential -There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future Public Relations Receptionist - Professional appearance important -$
  20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe Pleasant telephone manner -Be the voice of 1-900-suck Earn up to $...
• A means to an end.
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...