Herewith Ten Easy Lessons Gleaned From The Experiences Of A Number Of Would-be Robbers.

Home › Short Jokes › Jokes from Emails

Herewith ten easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of
would-be robbers.

...

1) PICK THE RIGHT BACK - You don't want to make the same mistake as the
fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in
business and had no money.
Study your history. Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of
Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk
took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody
tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight
with their dollar, those Minnesotans.
...

2) SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER - ... One robber in Upland, CA, presented his
note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent
out
of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until
authorities arrived.

3) DON'T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE - Demand notes have been written on the
back
of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an
envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit, and in East
Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawl slip giving the robber's
signature and account number.

...

6) DON'T ADVERTISE - A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract
attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while
holding up banks.
...
One robber, dressing up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first
into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified
by lip-print.
...

7) TAKE RIGHT TURNS ONLY - Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida
who
took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military
police guardhouse and, thinking it was a toll-booth, offered the security men
money. Or the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit
the bank at 4:30PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where
he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

...

10) CONSIDER ANOTHER LINE OF WORK - Bank robbery is not for everyone. One
nervous Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into
his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.
...
Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts,
who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still
unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car, parked nearby, had the
keys locked inside it.

Related: