POLITICALLY CORRECT STUDENT EXCUSES
- No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
- You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
- Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
- These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
- Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
- Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
- Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook
experience."
- You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
- You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
- You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious
follicle syndrome."
- You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic
footwear."
- No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."
- You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
- You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
- You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the
discreet exchange of penned meditations."
- You're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on a
mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
- It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of
near-factual information."
- The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively
challenged."
