Hinds' Law(s) of Computer Programming
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1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
2. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
3. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
4. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
5. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of
its output.
6. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of
the programmer who must maintain it.
7. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English
and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
Finagle's Rules
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1. To study an appilcation best, understand it thoroughly
before you start. (Think about it <grin>).
2. Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been
working.
3. Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
4. In case of doubt, make it _sound_ convincing.
5. Program results should always be reproducible (a Xerox
machine works best for me). They should all _fail_ the
same way!
6. Do not believe in miracles. RELY on them!
Thoreau's Theories of Adaptation
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1. After months of training and you finally understand all of
a program's commands, a revised version of the program
arrives with an all-new command structure.
2. After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar
"bug" in the system, the system is revised, the "bug" is
taken away and you're left with a useless routine.
3. Efforts in improving a program's "user friendliness" invariably
leads to work in improving user's "computer literacy".
4. THAT'S NOT A "BUG", THAT'S A _FEATURE_!
The Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Scheduling
============================================
"The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the
scheduled time. The last ten percent of the task takes the other
ninety percent of the time." (...all together now. One, two,
three...and GROAN!)
"It's not a bug ... It's not a feature ... It's an ENHANCEMENT!"
This guy at work becomes extremely horny and can't wait until he gets home
to his wife. 5 o'clock comes around and he's outa there. When he arrives
home he tells his wife they have to do it and do it now! She replies "But
Jr. is still up", he replies "well put him to bed." So she does.
Now these two are hopp'n and bopp'n and makeing all kinds of noise. Little
Jr. walks in and says "Oh look, mommy and daddy are playing horsey! Can I
play?" The dad figures Jr. doesn't know what's going on and let's Jr. hop
on. So, now the mommy and daddy are still going at it with little Jr. taking
a ride of his life. Mommy begins to scream louder and louder, and just before
she climaxes, little Jr. shouts "Hold Daddy! This is where the postman and I
got bucked off yesterday!!!!!!" :-) -8
