Two Cows. . .
FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in
a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you a glass of milk.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You
have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken
farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say
you should need.
FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care
of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your
neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most
"need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop
dead of starvation.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the
government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and
sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia
takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on
the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots
you.
DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to
tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you
can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing
cows.
CAPITALISM You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy
cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
PURE ANARCHY You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
OLYMPICS-ISM You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of
trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh
narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of
growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in
passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and
watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the
competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a
multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led
out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one
ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at
its Beijing restaurant.
