DON'T SQUAT WITH YOUR SPURS ON: A COWBOY'S GUIDE TO LIFE
-Don't never interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
-If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
-Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
-There's more ways to skin a cat than stickin' his head in a boot jack and
jerkin' on his tail.
-Some ranchers raise pigs and some will even admit it. Either way, they're
raisin' pigs.
-The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets,
the harder it is to swaller.
-Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
-If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
-It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
-The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave
his face in the mirror every morning.
-Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
-If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
-Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew. Your mouth is probably a
whole lot bigger'n you think.
-Always drink upstream from the herd.
-Generally, you ain't learnin' nothin' when your mouth is a-jawin'.
-Tellin' a man to go to hell and makin' him do it are two entirely different
propositions.
-Generally speakin', fancy titles and nightshirts are a waste of time.
-Trust everybody in the game, but always cut the cards.
-If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still there.
-If you're gonna go...go like hell. If your mind's not made up, don't use
your spurs.
-Never kick a fresh cowpie on a hot day.
-After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
-Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
-When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be
surprised if they learn their lesson.
-The best way to have quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the
oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it,
and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but
otherwise ignore it.
-There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
-When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around
by somebody else.
-Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
-Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important
to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
-The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in
your pocket.
-Never miss a good chance to shutup.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
