Aphorisms:
*****
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
In fact, just leave me the heck alone.
*****
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without
your help.
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple ofcar
payments.
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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
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If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
*****
Don't squat with your spurs on.
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Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
*****
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back
in your pocket.
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A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it
holds the universe together.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
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Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
*****
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
