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• Albert Einstein, who fancied himself as a violinist, was rehearsing a Haydn string quartet.
  When he failed for the fourth time to get his entry in the second movement, the cellist looked up and said, "The problem with you, Albert, is that you simply can't count....
• While looking for a Real Job (read: technical writing), I've been paying the bills doing medical transcription work.
  I came across a book today called "The Empty Laugh Book" by the American Association for Medical Transcription, containing some of the funniest dictated and transcribed quotes from the world of medicine that I've ever encountered....
• Editors Note: Here it is folks, the oneliner file.
  Over the past year, I have received several short submissions that were mildly funny, but not quite good enough or topical enough to merit their own posting....
• One night the local lothario took out the one girl nobody had gotten to before.
  On the way back from dinner he took a detour to the lover's lane....
• There was a young woman of Sydney Who could take it clear up to the kidney But the thrust of Alphonse Barely reached to her mons So he left her unsatisfied didn't he?
• LIFE IN THE SLAW LANE by Kip Adotta It was Cucumber the Fi
  Summer was over. I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled....
• Fresh Every 2.7 Days PEE YU PLATTER Clothes Pins Extra HOO FLUNG POO Napkins & Raincoats Provided SUC SUM TIT Children's Special YUNG POON TANG No Take Out Orders Accepted LUNCHEON SPECIALS SUM YUNG CHICK.
  .........$6.99 Different and Delicious WON HUNG LO....
• Remember: Don't send to me and rec.humor at the same time.
  Try to wait. From werner Wed Jul 13 14:06:34 1988 Flag...
• THE DARWIN AWARDS Date: December,1997 The Darwin Award is made each year to the person who has managed to kill themselves (and therefore prevent the survival of their genes - hence Darwin!
  ) in the most bizarre way imaginable. Previous winners have included the man killed when the vending machine he was trying to extract a can of Coke from fell on him, and last years aviator who strapped a JATO module (rocket) to his car and lit the blue touchpaper....