Related:

• THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS: COMBAT SANTA REVISITED T'was the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.
  I had come down the chimney with presents to give, And to see just who in this home did live....
• Once upon a time there was this beautiful woman who was going to be married to this handsome very rich nobleman.
  So they get married and she moves into his big castle, compared to which Camelot is but a pigsty...
• Once upon a time, a man was walking along the beach when he saw a beautiful girl who, sadly, had no legs.
  She was in her wheelchair bawling her eyes out. "What's wrong?...
• ObJoke: This guy goes to Texas on vacation. (No, that's not the punchline.
  ) When he's ready to leave the airport, he hails a cab, but a stretch limo pulls up....
• There once was a girl from Sidney Who could take it right up to her kidney But a guy from Quebec Shoved it up to her neck He had a long one, now didn't he.
• Once there was a marine biologist who loved dolphins.
  He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....