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• YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF... A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception All your sentences begin with "what if" At Christma
  it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma Dilbert is your hero Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel People groan at the party when you pick out the music The blinking 12...
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• NEWS FLASH - Men And Women Are NOT Alike Sure, you thought you already knew that.
  But now we have proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged...
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• I came up with this idea for a different kind of version of Fleetwood's Don't Stop, I thought it was fitting since Clinton and Gore played this song at their election party.
  > "Don't Stop" (real lyrics have "> >" before them) > > (original words by Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac) > > If you wake up and don't want to smile, > If it takes just a little while, > Open your eyes and look at the day, > You'll see things in a different way....
• THE POWER USER'S GUIDE TO POWER USERS Power Users never read their software manual
  instead they get petty cash from their secretaries and use it to buy books which contain the phrase "Power User" on the cover....
• Writing Contest FROM AN ACTUAL NEWSPAPER CONTEST WHERE ENTRANTS AGE 4 TO 15 WERE ASKED TO IMITATE "DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDEY
  My young brother asked me what happens after we die....
• NEWS BULLETIN - Men and women are NOT alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that.
  But now we have proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged...
• Things You Really Don't Need To Know: ** The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
  ** The most common name in the world in Mohamed. ** A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out....