Related:

• My answering machine reads, with spooky music in the background, or Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor, "Hello.
  You have reached xxx-xxxx,otherwise known as the epicenter of the universe....
• Last year my roommate had a machine but he hated to make the outgoing message.
  Stage fright, I guess. So I usually made them. One that we usually used during exam time wa...
• THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me.
  ....... A batch of my special hand-print cookies....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway.
  (Useful to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message.)...
• Ring...click....(sound of loud music in background).
  ..Hello? - just a second while I turn the stereo off (sound of person running to click off music, which gets quiet....
• Odd that no-one mentioned the fun to be had with all the new and wonderful phone features available now.
  None of the below are truly destructive. Adjust gender as appropriate (women's lib be damned, I'm not going to type his/her, s/he every time)....
• My favorites: Dump a whole bottle of detergent into the toilet tank.
  This produces great billowing suds out of the bowl on first flush....
• Letter to the Bank Manager Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
  By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it....