Related:

• Define "bad acne." Waking up in the park with a blind man reading your face.
• Q: What's the definition of confusion? A: 200 blind lesbians at a fish market.
• Man A: So how was your honeymoon? Man B: Very good until the morning after waking up, I forgot and said to my wife "You are wonderful, here is $
  100". Man A: It is not that bad, she might not know that you thought her as a hooker....
• Q: What is COYOTE UGLY? A: When you wake up with your arms around someone sooooooooo ugly, that you chew your arm off, rather than risk waking her up.
• 100 reasons it's great to be a guy: 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks....
• What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your own vasectomy.
• What's the definition of gross??? Diving into a bowl of snot and eating your way out!
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
  The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket....