Related:

• RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS A girl phoned me the other day and said .
  ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over....
• Go To School... A Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning.
  "Nobody in school likes me," he complained. "The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me....
• My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
  Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments....
• Three grade-school children learned how to swear from their friends at school.
  Thinking highly of their accomplishment, they decided to try it out at home, choosing the next morning's breakfast to show off their newly acquired skill....
• A woman from the south was attending a social gathering up north and tried striking up a conversation .
  .. "Where're you all from?" she asked to a group of ladies....
• Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
  I think that's how dogs spend their lives. My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!...
• Because I'm A Man... ** Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
  ** Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at....
• One day, a father and his son were walking in the woods on their way home when suddenly they came upon two dogs mating in the brush.
  "What are they doing, Dad?" asked the small child, staring intently at the scene before them....
• Sports Quotes 1992 Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record
  We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play....