Related:

• Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor.
  Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do pushups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing....
• Quotes From Groucho Marx: - Time flies like an arrow.
  Fruit flies like a banana. - Room service? Send up a larger room....
• Proof By Intimidation ----- -- ------------ A Horse has an infinite number of legs.
  A horse has two legs in back and forelegs in front....
• A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
  She said, "But we don't know anything about each other....
• A man was very shy, and couldn't speak to more than two people at a time without getting nervous.
  His boss and wife both suggested that he take an Andrew Carnegie course....
• A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
  He later received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car....
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....
• The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
  Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
• A man went to a doctor. Some say he went there to have an operation to become Polish
  others say he wanted to become an Aggie; there's yet another faction who claims that he wanted to work at the post office...