Related:

• Do it the Caltech way. Dump water on the victim's bed until it's soaked, and pour liquid nitrogen on the bed until the water freezes.
  You're right that it's heavy -- so heavy that the victim must wait for it to melt before he can get rid of it....
• Top 30 Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy when You're at Home 1.
  Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five....
• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
  .... %end of list------------- Female to guy: Hi, you look like a real wanker....
• The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
  Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
• Because I'm A Man... ** Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
  ** Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at....
• I Love Her, But... (a collection of men's thoughts on their women) .
  ..she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen....
• The Wizard of Zone Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived on a farm.
  He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy....
• A Cat's Guide: TRAINING YOUR HUMAN 1. CHAIRS AND RUGS
  ** If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly....