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• My nookie days are over- my pilot light is out, what used to be my sex appeal- is now my water spout.
  Time was when of its own record- from my trousers it would spring, but now I've got a full time job- to find the blasted thing....
• A scientist, after years of failed attempts, finally made a clone of him- self.
  The clone was exactly like him; it liked the same foods, read the same books, liked the same T....
• An Embarrassing Ski moment... Conditions were perfect.
  12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over, "tell me when we're having fun" kind of day....
• He "Hi Mabel, may I come over tonight?" She "Sure John, Come on over".
  He "This is not John" She "This is not Mabel, either"....
• The only thing sure about the baseball season: It'll end too soon--weeks before the presidential campaign is over.
• The Mirror A brunette, redhead, and a blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.
  After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room....
• Bubba Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know.
  Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?...
• A Ticket... A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange
  Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one....
• The rich ex-aggie reluctantly sent his son to Rice.
  In his first year the son got a girl in trouble, so the fast thinking lad sent his dad a letter, saying that a professor at Rice could teach Ol' Yeller to talk for $...