Related:

• Hi! I am a creature from outer space. I have transformed myself into your computer keyboard.
  Right now I am having sex with your fingers. I know you like it because you are smiling....
• You Know You've Been Online Too Long When... ** Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
  ** When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point....
• Answering machines. Nowadays almost everyone has one, complete with a snappymessage of their own device.
  Wait for the beep and then read on. This is a short adaptation of Simon Butler-White's and Clive Archer's "could-be" phone messages released in Australian Cleo, August 1989....
• This would be a tagline, but I got 'em turned off...
  
• I Like 'em Dead I was just 13 when my mommy caught me French-kissing a cadaver in my bed.
  She said, "Son, how could you do this?" And I said "Mom, I like 'em dead....
• Could you hold off a vampire with a sunlamp?
• An Australian woman's car was involved in a motor accident.
  A policeman asked what gear she was in. "Can't you see for yourself?...
• Stupid People... Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
  That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything....
• PAINT IT LIKE A COW The Fair. I hadn’t been to one of these
  “regional events, held annually, consisting of farm and home product displays, and various competitions and entertainments,” since childhood....