Related:

• Calm down. It's only ones and zeros.
• The only good hockey players are the ones with no teeth!
• THE ONLY GOOD HOCKEY PLAYERS ARE THE ONES WITH NO TEETH!!
• NEW VERSION OF FOREM BBS SOFTWARE ---------------------------------- A new release of FoReM ST arrived yesterday.
  Among the features is yet another new file transfer protocol, 'ZZZMODEM....
• YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE... when Microsoft tech support picks up the phone before Windows 95 finishes booting when you call tech support and they say your version of software has been obsolete for 5 years when that bright idea you had of pounding a 3-1/4" disk thin so it'll fit in the 5-1/4" slot didn't quite work when the bad blocks on your disk outnumber the good ones if your PC is big enough to use as an end table if it's so old that you can't even find a nonprofit organization that will take it as a donation when you can no longer find those special metallic cassette tapes when everyone's raving about hooking their computers up to the television and you'd never used any other kind of monitor hey
  I'm NOT upgrading my VIC 20, OK?!!! when your calculator has more RAM than your computer when your watch has more RAM than your computer when you realize that they don't use tapes anymore when it takes a Chevy pickup to haul your disk drive away when you're getting bored of those stupid Atari games like Frogger when your computer doesn't give you "nice" system errors like "Bad Command or file name" and instead formats your hard drive when you're getting tired of typing in ones and zeros when your abacus gets termites when "Solitaire" only has enough memory to use half the deck when you get the error message "Don't open so many goddam Windows at once!...
• Avert misunderstanding by calm poise and balance.
• A DRUNK WAS STAGGERING DOWN THE STREET WITH A BOX UNDER EACH ARM.
  A POLICEMAN STOPS THE DRUNK AND ASKS: "EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN THOSE BOXES UNDER YOUR ARMS?...
• The Top 15 Things Overheard in Roswell, NM, This Week 15> "Man, I coulda saved NASA a heap o' money.
  I done been to Mars and it ain't nuthin' but a buncha rocks....
• No honey, it's only a computer, PLEASE put down the gun..