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• 99 Excuses For Skipping Out Of Work Early
• Larry Lobster and Sam Clam where best friends. They did everything together.
  The only difference between them is that Larry was the nicest Lobster ever and Sam, well lets just say he was not so good....
• Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day? Little Johnny: I get up early.
• Excuses: N: Not tonight, honey, I've got a headache.
• A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account.
  The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars....
• What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
  Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two as determined by the right hand rule....
• A young woman got married at Chester, Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
  Says she, "You`re in luck, He's a stunning good fuck, For I`ve had him myself down in Leicester....
• TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK 1.
  I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames....
• PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
  2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses....