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• God is as real as I am, the old man said. My faith was restored, for I new that Santa would never lie.
• I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
  -- Dick Gregory...
• I think I agree with the old lady who said if God had intended us to fly he would never have given us the railways.
  -- Michael Flande...
• To Willie's widow, Lily, and her new husband, Teixeira de Mattos, Wilde said, "I am dying beyond my means.
  I will never outlive the century. The English people would not stand for it....
• Would I lie?
• I saw a man pursuing the Horizon, 'Round and round they sped.
  I was disturbed at this, I accosted the man, "It is futile," I said....
• I will never lie to you.
• My old man said I was wasting my time, and I'd never amount to anything.
  He-hah-hah-hah! He-hah-hah-hah-heh-heh! [realizes] Oh... -- Otto, "Otto Show...