Related:

• I bet for an Indian, shooting a old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you're an archeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it's not a skull but just an old dried-out potato.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get booed right off the stage.
  They're just not ready. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...