Related:

• I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
  -- Dick Gregory...
• Homer: Oh, one thing I'm good at and I can't do it any more.
  Marge: Homey, you're good at lots of things. Home...
• Bart: Ohh, I just missed out on the greatest opportunity of my entire life!
  George Burns was right: show business is a hideous bitch goddess....
• It's not sport if you can talk afterwards.
• Imagine what the world would be like if mathematics were an honored ritual carried out in stadiums for huge audiences, and football was a misunderstood activity ignored by most people.
• The most violent sport of all has to be hunting--if you consider it a sport.
  After all, a hunter sneaks up on his prey. That's not very sporting....
• Just as the prisoner was being strapped into the electric chair, the priest said, "Son, is there anything I can do for you?
  The prisoner said, "Yeah, when they pull the switch, hold my hand." -- Dick Gregory...
• I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. -- Charles Schultz
• I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. -- Linus van Pel