Related:

• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. --Robert Orbe
• But oh! as to embrace me she inclin'd, I wak'd, she fled, and day brought back my night.
  -- John Milton (1608-1674) -- On his Deceased Wife...
• My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.
  -- Drake Sathe...
• My wife and I were in Las Vegas. My wife called down and asked for room service--and a half hour later they send up a table and a dealer.
  Of course, my wife doesn't gamble, so she sent the table back....
• My wife's not the worst cook in the world, but she keeps on burning the coffee.
  You would too if you kept pouring it through the toaster all the time. -- Jack E. Leonard...
• Bart: Hey Lis, I found a big caramel deposit at the small of her back!
  Lisa: [under the coat] I'm coming! [the coat bursts and deluges candy in a big pile] [Bart and Lisa fall out, laughing and cheering] Home...
• I won't say my wife is fat, but she's the only woman I know ... -- Benny Hill
• My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
• Here lies my wife: her let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I.
  -- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife...