Related:

• I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world?
  You're holding it in your hand." And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts....
• I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto you buttocks and start yowling and running around.
  Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, "Hey, let's put him in the movie....
• You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.
  Also, he has severe diarrhea. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles.
  It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle....
• There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey
  because every week you could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY," but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that....
• I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves.
  Otherwise, it makes no sense. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm was finally over, I think a good name for him would be Carl.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver.
  And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him....