Related:

• I prefer to read US. PEOPLE is too intellectual. -- Robin Leach
• TIM: That is not an ordinary rabbit ... 'tis the most foul cruel and bad-tempered thing you ever set eyes on.
  ROBIN: You tit. I soiled my armour I was so scared! -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail...
• My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my head.
  I tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. -- Steven Wrigh...
• If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet.
• I had my head examined. They didn't find *anything*!
• I used to live in a house by the freeway. When I went anywhere, I had to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
  I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights....
• Bart: Hey, Lis, Mom said you had the toenail clippers and.
  .. Woah! Lisa, look out! Nelson's in our house!...
• The other day I put my wrists in front of my eyes. I had Carpal Tunnel Vision Syndrome.
• Like corn in a field I cut you down, I threw the last punch way too hard, After years of going steady, well, I thought it was time, To throw in my hand for a new set of cards.
  And I can't take you dancing out on the weekend, I figured we'd painted too much of this town, And I tried not to look as I walked to my wagon, And I knew then I had lost what should have been found, I knew then I had lost what should have been found....