Related:

• Today when a man gets married he gets a home, a housekeeper, a cook, a cheering squad and another paycheck.
  When a woman marries, she gets a boarder....
• There's nothing in the world like the devotion of a married wome
  it's the thing no married man knows anything about....
• Why worry about tomorrow, when today is so far off?
• A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake.
  Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help....
• I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.
  ... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.......
• It is a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
  -- William Maugham...
• Be happy with what you got and don't worry none about what you ain't got, cause you can't get happy when you is worry filled.
  If you got it, enjoy it, and if you ain't got it, don't give it no worry....
• Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.