Related:

• Old Ladies Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette.
  It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke....
• When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle.
  A little old lady had to help me across the street. -- Rod Schmid...
• Chekov: "[Scotch] was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad.
  -- "The Trouble With Tribbles", Stardate 4525.6....
• I think I agree with the old lady who said if God had intended us to fly he would never have given us the railways.
  -- Michael Flande...
• Two Volkswagens had their bumpers locked and the drivers were unsuccessfully trying to disengage them when a little old lady wino shuffled onto the scene.
  Tell you what to do, boys," she cackled. "Throw a bucket of water on 'em!...
• SAGITTARIUS (Nov.22 - Dec.21) Your efforts to help a little old lady cross a street will backfire when you learn that she was waiting for a bus.
  Subdue impulse you have to push her out into traffic....
• Dear Editor: I just read in your paper that a little old lady was bitten by a black widow spider when she picked up the paper off the front porch.
  This came as nothing short of a surprise to me. Not the fact that she was bitten by a black widow spider, mind you, but that the paper was on the front porch....
• Monty: [dropping a ring into a champagne glass] Now
  my dear, if you look in your champagne, I think you'll find a little surprise -- [Jackie drinks it, swallows the ring, and chokes a little] Heh, uh, not to worry, I believe there's another one around here somewhere -- [reaches into boiling fondue, burns himself] [kneeling] My darling, since my kneecaps are filling with fluid as we speak....
• Friday: Freeze. FBI: the jig is up. Abe: All right, I admit i
  I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo....