Related:

• I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am.
  .. (or) I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person....
• Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner.
  Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD!...
• Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached.
  .. (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can....
• Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number.
  On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone....
• Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions.
  But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder....
• Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now.
  Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back....
• Sinister organ music:) Hello, you have reached the Brown residence.
  You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message....
• Raiders of the Lost Ark" in background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom.
  We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator....
• We're not home now. Leave your name and number and we'll call you back as soon as you are a vegetarian.
  (Replace "vegetarian" with prejudice of your choice....