Related:

• Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner.
  Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD!...
• Thank you for calling Robert's House of Love. All of our customer service representatives are, er.
  .. busy servicing customers, so at the sound of the erotic tone, leave your name, number, and a short description of whatever turns you on....
• Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen.
  You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays....
• Raiders of the Lost Ark" in background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom.
  We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator....
• Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now
  o after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following word...
• Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now
  but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible....
• Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell.
  (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time....
• You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible.
  -- Answering machine madness - odd organizatio...
• To scare off annoying liberals:) Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign.
  Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill....