Related:

• Homer: Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you.
  And that is a phony kidnapping. Larry: Yeah, right....
• Bart: Cool. [picks up what's left of the comet] Lisa
  We're saved! Everyone: Yay! Selma: Sure makes you appreciate the preciousness of life....
• A historical toast, made by some politician to a successful wartime admiral at a Navy dinner.
  <picks up wine, and almost speaks> <puts down wine> &l...
• Lisa: Dad, can you take me to Dr. Hibbert's office?
  Homer: Why? What's wrong? Lisa: Oh, nothing. I just scheduled a tetanus booster....
• Well, there was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt great (yes, just like Tony the Tige
  GREAAAAAAT). Anyway, he just felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him...
• Well, there was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt great (yes, just like Tony the Tige
  GREAAAAAAT). Anyway, he just felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him...
• Maybe you are.
• Some girls are like car radiators. If you don't keep them full of alcohol, they freeze up on you.
• If you don't know whether a mushroom is edible or not, you cook it all up, and you take a little bit and then you leave it until the next day and watch to see if there are any bad effects.
  If there aren't any, you eat a little more, and presently you know something. -- John Cage...