Related:

• A friend of a friend was horrified to find out, at the age of twenty-five, that his life line was extremely short.
  When he tried to lengthen it (with his trusty Victorinox) he bled to death....
• My crazy friend has a large vocabulary...he got married.
• My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My friend thought he was not gonna make it. Then he started thinking positive.
  Now he's positive he's not gonna make it. -- Brother Sammy Shore...
• Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?
  ! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker? Phoebe: No-no-no oh, keep your name, don_t take his name....
• We work out entirely too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs marathons.
  He always talks about this "runner's high." But he has to go twenty-six miles for it....
• Conover: And Bart's childish taunting agitated the Aussies further.
  Homer: Oh, he'll agitate you. Ho, ho! He sure will....
• What do you do if an Irishman throws a pin at you? Run like hell, he's got a grenade in his mouth!!
• When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years....