Related:

• I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty-six hours.
  I don't even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours. -- Rita Rudne...
• I love my wife and my Turbo C, sure miss he
• My wife insists on turning off the lights when we make love.
  That doesn't bother me. It's the hiding that seems so cruel. -- Jonathan Katz...
• My ex-wife's a cat lover. I sent her a kzin for her birthday.
• For thirty years a certain man went to spend every evening with Mme.
  ___. When his wife died his friends believed he would marry her, and urged him to do so....
• This morning I caught my wife in a lie ... I'm sitting there in the kitchen, having some coffee, biscuits, some jelly.
  About eleven-thirty my old lady came in, and her wig was amuss....
• Here lies my wife: her let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I.
  -- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife...
• My notion of a wife at 40 is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties.
  -- Warren Beatty...
• They say I married my wife because her uncle left her a whole lot of money.
  That's not true. I would've married her no matter who left her the money....