Related:

• I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• casting the runes n. What a guru does when you ask him or her to run a particular program and type at it because it never works for anyone else
  esp. used when nobody can ever see what the guru is doing different from what J....
• Waiter: How did you find your steak, sir? Diner: Quite by accident.
  I moved a few peas, and there it was....
• Bite off one chicken head and they never let you forge
• Never ask a mortician to go out and bring you back a cold one. -- the Stilt Ma
• There is one way to find out if a man is honest--ask him.
  If he says yes, you know he is crooked. -- Groucho Marx...
• There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him.
  If he says "Yes" you know he is crooked. -- Groucho Marx...
• Never, ever lie to someone you love unless you're absolutely sure they'll never find out the truth.
• You see, there are some crybabies out there -- religious types mostly -- who might be offended.
  If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your set now....