Related:

• Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached.
  .. (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can....
• With strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh.
  I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly....
• Oriental voice:) Hello, you have reached honorable Chan's residence.
  I, Kato, will go and get honorable Chan. (Godzilla scream....
• You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible.
  -- Answering machine madness - odd organizatio...
• Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner.
  Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD!...
• Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars COULD be yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous!
  If this is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, or Princess Di, just leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will definitely get back to you!...
• Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Hello, Brother or Sister.
  You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim....
• Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals.
  Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated....
• We're not home now. Leave your name and number and we'll call you back as soon as you are a vegetarian.
  (Replace "vegetarian" with prejudice of your choice....