Related:

• If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY!
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I don't think I'm ever more "aware" than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• If I ever get real rich, I hoe I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence.
  But I think it was just a lucky swing. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays?
  Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway...
• I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...