Related:

• If you can't boil water, you can't grow zucchini.
• You know something that would really make me applaud?
  A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis!...
• Q: How do you tell a woman with PMS from a woman without PMS? A: Beats the hell out of me!
• If you dye your hair, don't use water-soluble dyes.
  It is hell trying to get the colour out of your eyebrows....
• 1] If at all possible, don't. Let someone else do it.
  2] Change majors. 3] Insert/remove blank lines at random spots, re-compile, and execute....
• Q: How do you make Windows run faster? A: Throw it harder!
• Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet....
• Ground water? Do you mean crushed ice?
• There *are* standards. If you can't see one, you *make* one and stick to it come Hell or high water -- until you see a BETTER one.
  -- John Gaunt, aka GRIMJACK...