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• SOMETIMES THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle.
  Just gargle and gargle and I don't care who hears me because I am beautiful....
• Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I "swarm about" to protect my nest of chocolate eggs.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining
  What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people?...
• When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise.
  She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder....
• I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Some students drink at the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.
• I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...